Love Them Anyway
- Published in Kristy Deegan Blog
What do you do when someone is angry at you or upset with something you did or didn’t do? I used to take it personally and “fight” back defending myself and getting just as angry at the other person. Sound familiar?
In doing my own work here is what I discovered: Whenever there is an upset or anger, it’s about them, NOT me. Once I could put some space between their action and my reaction, I could choose how I reacted rather than be on automatic pilot and retaliate.
When I really watch the other person in their rage, I can see facial changes, tensing muscles, and hurt in their eyes. They are reacting to something inside them and taking it out on me. I go inside to inquire about what I can do to break the anger spell. I first check how I am feeling. I, initially, want to lash out. However, I remember it’s about them, NOT me. So I get very curious about them and what they might be dealing with. In that space I created I find compassion and loving. I become very understanding and acknowledge what they are going through. I ask them how they feel and acknowledge it. When they feel heard, then we can talk more sanely. NOTHING can be resolved until they feel heard and the irony is that most often they don't know it.
Getting angry right back only perpetuates the issues. Things escalate things are said and feelings are hurt. Nothing is resolved. Be loving and caring no matter how hard it is. That’s what they need: LOVE and CARING. Usually an upset is due to feeling hurt or bad about something else. Most of us lash out when we feel like that. Try being loving and caring and see the kind of response you get. It’s truly what they want….and so do you.