Gratitude Brings Clarity

My life and business have soared by being grateful for what I know is mine even though it isn’t here yet. I wake up every morning and after I snuggle with my Shih Tzu pup I list out 3 things I am grateful for. Today I am grateful for the fan blowing cool air, the flowers on my plumeria and my love for myself. As I thought of each area for gratefulness I really felt gratitude in my heart and soul.  I took deeper breaths, felt expansion and love of life. Gratitude totally helps me stay connected with myself and my higher power.  


Being grateful for speaking gigs, new clients, more money and quality time for me are things I am grateful for when they aren’t here yet. As I think of each of these I, again really feel the gratitude in my heart and soul as if it is here now.  I feel what it feels like to have it now.  I visualize it, “play it out”, and see it in full color. Right down to the color of my dress


Now here is the cool thing: The more grateful I am for what isn’t here yet, the more clear I get about  what I want.  The more clear I am about what I want, the more I know what action steps I need to take to get there. Take the action steps and you will manifest what isn't here yet.  GRATITUDE BRINGS CLARITY


What is Clarity?



“There is one quality that one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.”

Napoleon Hill

“Clearness in appearance, thought and style.”


Clarity of purpose is vital for the achievement of success and for making dreams come true. Clarity of purpose is important for every kind of success, for losing weight, getting a new car or travelling abroad. If you don’t know exactly what you want, how can you get it? It’s the context from which one operates.


A very simple example of clarity of purpose is going to a dentist appointment.  To accomplish this I must know the date and time of the appointment,at a minimum. All of these steps are derived from the context of having healthy teeth.  None of these steps would occur or matter, if I didn’t have this clear purpose. Therefore, in addition to the above,  I know I go to the dentist every 4 months for a cleaning, have a reminder in my phone to make an appointment, and call for the appointment a month before I need it because I know the appointments are booked a month out. When I have the clear purpose of maintaining healthy teeth, all that there is to do falls into place effortlessly.


Let’s use a business example of clarity of purpose of having a speaking engagement.  To accomplish this I must know the date and time, location of the talk, who my audience is, what the topic is, how long the talk will be, and what materials I will need. All of these steps are derived from the context of, “I change the conversation in business to come from the heart and be on the leading edge in the new feminine leadership” Now, the act of giving a talk a deeper meaning.  Any topic I talk about will be from this context. I will look for venues and audiences that can resonate with this new conversation in business.  Every phone call I make, networking event, every social event, every line at the grocery store will have this context.  The world is my stage to get my message out.  Anything that does not support this is taken of my list.


Clarity of purpose is the key to any success, especially success at the soul level. When I am clear in my purpose I have no fear or limitations on what I can achieve: it all melts away.


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Big Red Nose

All of us have had a person that we let intimidate us.  For me, I used to quiver in their presence, walk on eggshells and basically avoid contact, if possible.  Does this sound familiar? Is there someone in your life like that?

Most often I have eliminated those folks from my list of friends, and sometimes it can’t be done - coworker, boss, in laws, or family.  So, I have developed several ways to separate myself from their being-ness that I don’t like.

The first thing to do is be aware that I don’t like how they be around me.  Sometimes I have been able to tell them, but most often it falls on deaf ears.  The awareness is key. Get very clear about how you feel in your body and your mind around this person.  These feelings are like the “idiot lights” on the car dashboard. They are warning signals that discomfort may follow, so pay attention. The awareness can help you avoid future encounters with some others as well. When you start to feel badly around a person, you can choose to either go inside yourself and be intimidated or choose another option.

If talking to the person doesn’t help an option that I have chosen is to picture a Big Red Clown Nose on their face while they are talking.  I actually can smile at the person while they are being the “themselves” that I don’t like.  This also has me focus on their nose rather than on what they’re saying and my reaction to them.  It helps me be more present to the moment and see the humor in it.

Sometimes I add another piece to the process, if the person is especially obnoxious.  In addition to picturing the red nose, I listen to them like they are Charlie Brown’s mom, “Owah, wah wah wah, wah.”  Or like a dog or cat, “bark, bark, bark, or meow, meow, meow.”  This deepens my focus on the “words” I’m giving them versus the words they are saying.  Also, it makes me laugh, especially if they have the red nose AND the funny language.

Many times the intimidating person reminds you of someone in the past or of a feeling you had in the past so you are expecting something negative to happen in the future. If you can use the nose or funny language, if forces you to stay in the present and the fears disappear.

Try it, you might like it


PhotoCredit: bjhickman




Laugh Every Day

I make sure I laugh every day.  The proven benefits are wonderful and laughing makes me feel good. There are emotional, physical and mental benefits in laughing.

Emotional:  Laughing helps you keep a positive, optimistic perspective through difficult situations, disappointments, and grief. It’s not just a break from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to look for a renewed meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better.

Physical: A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after you stop. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.  Laughter increases the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. And last but not least, laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Mental: It’s impossible for you to feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing. Laughter reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more. Laughing shifts your perspective, thus,  allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less frightening light. A humorous perspective can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Laughing with others is even better.  It’s contagious. It’s fun. It’s healing.

Here are a few ways to make sure you laugh everyday:

Watch a funny movie or TV show, read the funny pages, seek out funny people, do a game night with friends, play with a pet, goof around with children, do something silly, make time for fun activities (e.g. bowling, miniature golfing, water park).


Enjoy your day.


Forgive others

Forgiveness is a loaded word.  It brings up resentments, religious beliefs, disappointments and fear. Things happen: we make up stories about what happened, then we get righteous about our stories, and forgiveness is not in the picture because we have been so wronged.

I know what that feels like.  I can get so tied up in a knot that I can’t even think about forgiveness. AND that’s the time to do it. Especially if we want to bring love to the world.  Here are some of the things I’ve talked about in the recent past:

-People are always doing the best they can, if they knew how to do it differently they would.

-We can’t do anything about the past, it’s done and can’t be undone.

-Usually when a person is upset, it’s about them.

Many times we feel betrayed and that if we forgive, that means we condone what was done.  And, that is sometimes impossible to do because we are so hurt or it’s outside of our values. AND we can forgive. Now, let’s reframe forgiveness. What if we make up a new definition for forgiveness?  We could define forgiveness as “letting go of a better yesterday.”  Our suffering from a wrong-doing is mainly not from the actual action, but from the hurt feelings and wishing it didn’t happen. Wishing for a better yesterday is what causes the pain.

I caught my significant other in a lie about another woman years ago.  I was so outraged that I could hardly see straight.  By the time he got home I had forgiven him (let go of being upset that something happened in the past), realized that he was doing the best he could (it had nothing to do with me), and still took action toward a divorce.  The divorce occurred with ease and grace on my end because I was no longer attached to wishing the betrayal didn’t happen.

This same process works in the workplace with employees and customers.  When we can detach ourselves from wishing it was a different outcome, we can be at peace with what was and take action from there to take care of ourselves and our business with a lot less suffering.

Take notice in your own situations.  Are you upset with what was done or upset because of how you felt?  Let go of the wish.


Speak What's So

I have often found myself “zoning out” while listening  to someone telling me about an event.  The person talking is telling me facts, opinions and assessments of what happened all mixed in together.  I get exhausted and confused trying to decipher what is the truth about what is said.  Does this happen to you?

Let me break it down…

FACT - a thing that is indisputably the case or a piece of information used as evidence.

OPINION - a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

STORY - an account of imaginary or real people and events told for entertainment.

Let’s say that we are working on a project with several other people and we are meeting to decide the next steps.  The purpose of the meeting is to inform everyone of the current status so the next steps will be clear.

George is in charge of the financial piece.  He tells us that we are over budget (FACT) and he is worried. (STORY)  We have spent X dollars so far and we shouldn’t have spent so much on personnel (opinion).  He thinks we should cut back on spending per week. (opinion) If we don’t cut back we will fail as a department (STORY).  He thinks the problem is Harry (opinion) because Harry has created this problem before (opinion and story)

Here is a factual version: We have spent $50,000 of the  $100,000 allowed budget for this  project.  Based on my calculations, we will need $90,000 to complete the project.  That puts us over budget by $40,000.  My recommendations are blah, blah, and blah.  Does anyone have further input or suggestions for resolving this issue?

What is clear about this is I don’t have to figure out what is so or what is opinion or what is made up.  There is no filtering for if I need to find out more about Harry or do I need to review the budget myself for the details. Just having the facts allows us to be more clear about a direction and less time is taken to get to a resolve.

This tool works for business and personal relationships. The more you stick to the facts, the less emotion and upset occurs.

Listen during your next meeting and see how hard you work to filter out the necessary information or if you check out during the conversation. Then ask questions to get to the facts.




What is your deepest desire?

I was so busy doing what others wanted of me or what I thought others wanted of me, I didn’t know what I wanted for me.  Several years ago I found myself by myself for the first time without a husband, children or pets or anything I had to be accountable to.  I began asking myself what I wanted in my life. Amazed, I discovered I had no idea what I wanted for me. after several months of trying various avenues, I found myself irritable, impatient and short tempered...all things that were not my usual self.  How many of you are in this place?

An introspective journey uncovered that I had no purpose.  Nothing to get up in the morning for.  No WHY I should get up.  In deepening my inquiry I kept coming back to I want to make a difference with people.

I LOVE to show people how to be accountable to themselves (make promises and keep them with themselves) Why?  Because when I am accountable, I CANNOT be in a victim place.  I become in charge of how I feel, what I do and how I react to what happens in my life. And that’s what I was going through.  I had no accountability to myself for anything.  No promises to keep, no deadlines to meet and no sense of accomplishment.  No wonder I was a grouch.

So, what is your deepest desire?  What do you love about what you do? What if you could always do what you loved and get paid?


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Request and Promise Log

How many of you rely on memory for the to do list?  I used to do that until my “memory” couldn’t hold anymore. I have seen project after project slide it’s completion into the future because it wasn’t written down and monitored.

When I was a management consultant  I taught people how to be accountable. Most people hear the word “accountable” and resist…”I don’t want anyone watching over my shoulder.”  Did you know you can make accountability a game and the prize is self worth and self appreciation and self love. Nothing builds us up better than keeping our word.

I developed a tool that can be used in meetings or one on ones. The Request and Promise Log can be taken to every meeting. As assignments or volunteer acts are defined, the log tracks:

Who made the promise/request to whom

What the promise/request specifically is

When the promise/request was made

When it is due.

Revised date should an extension be needed

Actual date completed


Each participant has a R/P log when they attend a meeting.  As the meeting progresses there will be requests and promises made.  When this occurs get very clear about the task and when it is due.  Document all the info on your log. This works especially well in weekly staff meetings or evaluation meetings.

After the meeting make a list of all the steps to be done to complete the task: a guestimate of the time it will take and who needs to be involved.  Work backwards from the due date and enter all the steps on your calendar so that the task will be completed by the due date.

If for some reason you know that you will not be able to meet the deadline, call the other party BEFORE the due date and explain why and renegotiate a new date.  Others are depending on your task so that they can complete some of their tasks.  The quicker they know it will be late, the easier it is to juggle.  Sometimes other tasks are set aside so this task can get done.

Each meeting (weekly or follow-up) bring the R/P logs with completed data:

All the task information and dates of completion or comments. This makes the agenda very easy to follow:

What tasks were you to get done?

Did they get done?

Why not?

Comments about the task.

Request and Promise (accountability) is a conversation between two or more people with the intent to meet a common goal.  The issue is not really why didn’t it get done, but what happened? Most people want to keep their promises so something happened to keep them from doing so.  This is a great manager tool to guide he/r employees to be accountable and also a great way for a team leader to lead by example. Let me know how it worked with your team.


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